Move that stroller, lady. This dog will eat your baby.

name: agatha
occupation: aggressive dog walker
what she loves about dogs: they don't ask questions

Come on, Jackie, we'll take this up with our lawyers.

names: jackie and margaret
occupations: co-presidents of the local pta
what the school board won't let them do: take the kids on a field trip to barneys

Someone hasn't had her breakfast drink. It's me.

name: evie
occupation: homeopathic remedy consultant, v8 enthusiast
why she's wearing plastic wrap around her wrist: god only knows

I thought it meant "the study of meteors."

name: justin
occupation: meteorologist
dark secret: spent four years confused about why his professors kept talking about the weather

Did you know I'm part Saggitarian?

name: cat
occupation: owns a bookstore
how she picks up dates in her store: crafts a conversation starter based on the section in which they are browsing

My skin is so sensitive.

name: susan
occupation: library sciences student
reason for chosen profession: lots of time indoors

I am a beautiful, armless maiden.

name: estelle
occupation: performance artist
what she's auditioning for: venus de milo

Laura Palmer backwards is Remlap Arual.

name: laura lynn
occupation: art gallery assistant director
obsession: twin peaks

Why would I comb something that can be used for warmth and storage?

name: alicia
occupation: coaches junior high school volleyball
hair philosophy: utilitarian

Uh oh, this one's a moose. I hope she doesn't try to hurt me.

name: dionne
occupation: wedding planner
why she carries mace: has an irrational fear of unattractive bridesmaids

Dan Brown was right.

name: ilona
occupation: paranoid travel agent, future prison inmate
what's behind her back: a gun

I can't believe I'm saying this, but are you sure you want to do your homework?

name: virginia
occupation: nanny for two teenagers
unexpected quandary: if they graduate, she's out of a job

I don't even remember what my yard looks like.

name: franz
occupation: travels the world doing financial consulting with major design houses
what he misses doing: mowing the lawn

It covers the same as a bikini top.

name: kim
occupation: runs a small gift shop in florida
belief about bras: they're almost always the prettiest part of an outfit, why not let them show?

One in three people is an alien from Mothragana. You, not you, not you.

name: leah
occupation: identity thief and unassuming homewrecker
how she forgives herself: has bigger fish to fry (is slightly insane)

Mrs. Forbes will be at least twenty more minutes and I love her scarf.

name: sue
occupation: works the front desk at the country club
what she does on her break: tries on your valuables

Chiffon and Lace just threw up everywhere.

name: audrey
occupation: fabric store owner
poor choice: named all six of her cats after fabrics

Here comes a first-timer.

name: ella
occupation: clerk at walgreens
favorite thing about her job: men's faces when they buy tampons

It's hard to find a masculine shape that still looks tidy.

name: anders
occupation: part-time aerobics teacher
what he does when he's not doing that: works on his eyebrows

Yes we can.

name: megan
occupation: dance teacher
favorite song for warmups: "white people can't dance" (nsfw)

I love him, but I just wanna dance.

name: krystal
occupation: waitress and aspiring dancer
underlying issue: takes dance classes every night to avoid spending time with her boyfriend

No one will recognize me with this mess.

name: elizabeth
occupation: undercover international spy
what she believes the most important feature to change when undercover is: hair