Denim is not a verb. Nothing denim should end in "ing."

name: shawna and kelsey
occupation: team of denim designers
why they're not talking to each other: disagreement about jeggings

Glinda the Good Witch really knew how to put an outfit together.

name: marlo
occupation: head of human resources at a small bank, chronic overdresser
what she's considering wearing this dress for: secretary's day

I can help you with your swing, but that tan is your business.

name: jenna
occupation: golf pro at a suburban country club
beauty secret: daily milk baths since age 19

How can I tell if I guy really likes me?

name: patricia
occupation: florist
favorite movie: fatal attraction

You just put $60 in a slot machine. Stop judging me.

name: stacey
occupation: waitress at a pirate themed resort and casino
dream job: HGTV hostess specializing in home renovations and antiques

I prefer hotel bedspreads for daily wear.

name: lois
occupation: works in a fabric store
role model: scarlett o'hara

That soccer mom just pocketed a hair gel.

name: ben
occupation: secret shopper
amount of bronzer he wears: medium

I am leestening for the sound of your ankles.

wednesday animal edition

name: marvin
occupation: tiny shoe tester
ankle-biting preference: people in knee-socks

You can't send me home to change. These are sleeves.

name: rachel
occupation: spritzes perfume at victoria's secret
favorite personal feature: her shoulders

I run to forget.

name: camille
occupation: home hospice aide
darkest secret: once drank a beer from the refrigerator of a man in a coma

I wonder if any of these losers know who I am.

name: joanie
occupation: film critic
best halloween costume ever: margot tenenbaum from the royal tenenbaums, complete with wooden finger, 2006

I haven't seen my cat for four days.

name: alison
occupation: part-time psychic
this week's special: $10 for a palm reading plus listening to your problems

Take these letters off me, you fascist.

wednesday animal edition

name: bessie
occupation: reluctant show cow
earliest memory: the tipping of aunt elaine

Which one of you actors put that whoopie cushion on my chair?

name: molly
occupation: assistant at william morris talent agency
favorite tv show: the real housewives of orange county