occupation: junior varsity soccer player
what he always carries with him: a sharpie
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2010
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November
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- You're going to want to move, I just sharpened the...
- "Rush, Rush" is great, but it's 1991 ...
- If I don't get another beer in a minute, people ar...
- Attracting new business can be difficult, but I th...
- I hope this doesn't get stained in biochem.
- I don't care if they want to marry you, there's a ...
- Why can't a find a medium roasted woman with a dee...
- We could do a whole number based on hair tosses.
- Act natural, Elvira. You're just shopping for neon...
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June
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- Move that stroller, lady. This dog will eat your b...
- Come on, Jackie, we'll take this up with our lawye...
- Someone hasn't had her breakfast drink. It's me.
- I thought it meant "the study of meteors."
- Did you know I'm part Saggitarian?
- My skin is so sensitive.
- I am a beautiful, armless maiden.
- Laura Palmer backwards is Remlap Arual.
- Why would I comb something that can be used for wa...
- Uh oh, this one's a moose. I hope she doesn't try ...
- Dan Brown was right.
- I can't believe I'm saying this, but are you sure ...
- I don't even remember what my yard looks like.
- It covers the same as a bikini top.
- One in three people is an alien from Mothragana. Y...
- Mrs. Forbes will be at least twenty more minutes a...
- Chiffon and Lace just threw up everywhere.
- Here comes a first-timer.
- It's hard to find a masculine shape that still loo...
- Yes we can.
- I love him, but I just wanna dance.
- No one will recognize me with this mess.
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May
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- What are you looking at? Never seen a Vegas dancer...
- Would he prefer Norma or La Traviata? Let's see.
- That's a cute guy. I wonder if he's on Match.
- You never know when you're gonna need to mark some...
- If only I could find one of those hard plastic bri...
- I don't know if he's into flannel or boho-chic, an...
- I feel better I think.
- If I raise my left leg to here, can you see my und...
- I bet I can get the teacups one at a time. Saucers...
- God, it's almost like there's a spider.
- I just came from the hospital, sorry, didn't have ...
- Take the shot before I pass out.
- That Richard Simmons is such a hack.
- Would Shakespeare and Imhotep have gotten along?
- I smell skin ... quick, where's my purse?
- The new Prince Eric is so talented.
- I don't care if they see the price tag if it's ove...
- Act natural.
- Why do I always feel like tap dancing when I'm wai...
- Is that a double dark chocolate mocha fudge cake? ...
- Susie looks a little plump and Mary's cheeks are r...
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November
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